My (Movie-Related) Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I guess I’ve been good this year. I ran a marathon in aid of dying kids; that’s pretty good I think you’ll agree. And anything naughty I did, well, it wasn’t my fault, honest. I mean, I thought airlines just frowned upon that kind of thing. I didn’t realise it was illegal. And how was I supposed to know what is and what isn’t a suitable house pet. I realised it after a few weeks anyway.

Anyway, taking into account all the good stuff I’ve done, I was wondering if you could have a read over my letter and see if you and your elves could make my movie dreams come true for 2013. I would like:

1. For my local cinemas to show a wider variety of films

This is my main wish. If you only grant one, I want it to be this one. I have two local cinemas – a Vue and a Cineworld. Spoilt for choice you may think, but not so. Both cinemas, for the large part, only show the big blockbusters. This is understandable to a point, as these are the films that are likely to be more popular. Supply and demand – I get that. However, I have missed out on a fair few films this year largely because they have either been bumped completely or have been given dodgy show times to make room for extra showings of other films. Just recently, I missed out on The Imposter, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Ruby Sparks, and Rust and Bone, all films I was looking forward to seeing. My local Cineworld didn’t even show Argo or The Master at all – two of the most anticipated films of the year.

Therefore, Santa, in 2013 I would appreciate it if you could have a word with the men in suits at these cinemas and ask them nicely to show a wider selection. I would love to be able to travel for an hour to another cinema but I simply don’t have the time.

2. For NetFlix UK to sort itself out

Here in the UK, NetFlix is still a relatively new service and, at first glance, it appears to be an excellent service with loads of stuff to watch. However, scratch the surface and it really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The US service dwarfs the UK version and the rate that we get new stuff is pretty slow. There are still a few gems on there that I haven’t checked out, but I’d like more of an indication that they are committed to adding new and up-to-date stuff, not just documentaries that have been around for ten years or crappy straight to DVD releases. The US version has recently signed a deal with Disney and has had an influx of of Disney films recently. I’m a little confused as to why the UK service does not work the same way. I know I could biff NetFlix off and go elsewhere but the only other streaming service out there is LoveFilm, which has its own problems. I would rent more films from iTunes or wherever, but as the UK doesn’t have widespread fibreoptic Internet, it can take literally hours to download a film. First world problems, eh?

3. For other cinema-goers to learn some manners

Of course, I know this does not relate to any of my fellow bloggers; we know how things go down once the lights do (not as seedy as it sounds). However, not everyone is as considerate as we are, and I would very much like some cinema-goers to just take a minute to think about other people who are also watching the film. Do we want to hear their conversation? No. Do we want to be distracted by them checking your Facebook? Definitely not. How about I constantly kick the back of their set and see how they like it.

4. More time

I realise I’m pushing it with this one, but I would absolutely love a bit more time to squeeze in more films. I’d watch films every single day if I could but time simply does not permit this. Sometimes I’m lucky if I watch more than a film a week. So, Santa, if you could somehow magically make it so I have more time, that’d be great. Obviously, this doesn’t mean getting me sacked from my job. I know what you’re thinking.

5. The Stanley Kubrick Blu-ray collection

This would be ace. I think you can probably get it off Amazon.

So there we Santa; those are my Christmas wishes. I know you’re pretty busy this time of the year but if you could see what you could do, I’d appreciate it. I’ll make sure to leave an extra mince pie out for you.

Best wishes,

Chris (aka Terry Malloy)